I have been in autopilot for 3 years. Life came at me with a set of cards I did not expect, so I opened every door and every window in my house, let the light and the air in, I readied every tool I had, and went at it with everything a woman can give. 

I have rehearsed for so many stories before telling them on stage, but this one, the one I have been living in for 3 years, has required me to improvise more than any other. I have had to appeal to my beliefs, to my Colombian upbringing, to my survival instincts as an immigrant, and most often to my female intuition.

Motherhood is an untraced road for everyone who undertakes it. For me, it was an overnight event, but also the culmination of a process that lasted 5 years. During this time, I learned about patience, endurance, and perseverance. I learned to recover quickly from failure, anger, and disappointment. I had to turn my eyes toward myself and re-examine who I was, and how I was preparing to raise another human being. Not everything I discovered was pleasant, in fact, most of my discoveries were painful and represented then, and still today, a personal challenge that I strive to overcome.

There wasn’t a pregnancy period to look forward to, only an uncertain open date of arrival, tied to multiple variables, and contingent upon the decisions and time of other people. To follow this invisible goal we had to move forward resorting only to belief and faith. Belief has guided the steps of many in my family when we have decided to migrate, leaving our family, our home, and our country in search of a dream., and faith in the invisible, the improbable, and the unimaginable has been our armor. In the path of motherhood, I have discovered that faith and belief are not always linked to a religion or a god, but most often to a purpose.

In the last 3 years, photography and writing have allowed me to tell the story of my purpose as an artist, within the space of motherhood. These images have become mirrors of my daily domestic interactions and an exploration of my self. Their lasting existence in my portable camera, is the footprint left on a road of continuous discovery. This work records a new path of immigration for me, to yet another land I yearn to conquer. I am having to learn a new language all over again and adapt to a new culture. I don’t have a map or a clear plan. All I know is the story of motherhood is one that is written as it develops and nothing can be erased, only retried.

Para Naomi.